Cabin Inspections aka How to be Treated like a Child

Cabin Inspections aka How to be Treated like a Child

(From https://www.facebook.com/highfiveI95)

Can I say this right now - FUCK Cabin Inspection.

There. I Did it.

On behalf of every crew member on every ship in the world right now.

Cabin Inspection is one of those things that, in theory is probably very much needed in terms of health and safety on board as it makes sure that crew members aren't hoarding illicit substances (see my post on Drugs and Alcohol), or food products that can spoil and make roommates sick, or attract pests and rats, or hidden tunnels between cabins (if anyone on the Dream or Fantasy can attest to the "Narnia" tunnels beneath the desks and bedframes), or any homemade explosives and weapons.

Sure, that's all well and good, but there are a lot of incredibly daft and ridiculous parts of Cabin Inspection that just about render the practice ... stupidly annoying in my opinion. This is what happens:

Every week or two there will be a notice given the night before that there will be a shipwide Cabin inspection to have all rooms ready for it the following morning at about 10am. Sometimes these can be on the same scheduled day as usual, or completely random. There have been times when rumors of a sudden Cabin Inspection have resulted in a flurry and panic to clean when it was just a false alarm.

To have your cabin room ready for inspection, you're expected to:

• make your bed and have nothing on it except for your lifejacket and safety card (a small slip of paper you're expected to keep in pristine condition. If there is anything broken or uneven on your lifejacket or safety card, you get in trouble for it!)
• make sure the floor is clean of all debris and vacuumed
• empty your trash and bring it all to the incinerator room (as if anybody actually does that late at night before inspection. Just hide it in your closet)
• make sure no decorations are hanging up like stickers, tape, posters, etc. Usually these are allowed, but this seems to vary.
• clean your ashtray
• defrost the freezer in the minifridge
• make sure your sprinkers aren't rusted and your air filter is clean
• clean the inside of your fridge and don't put anything on or around it (make sure no illegal food is hidden in there)
• clean your bathroom
• dust all surfaces
• make sure you are awake and not in bed
• leave the room during inspection
• turn off all lights and electronics

Now this seems reasonably tolerable if not a scratch above irritating to have to do, but luckily for the small size of your shared room I suppose. But there are just a few problems with Cabin Inspection:

• The inspections vary depending on who's doing it. So the people doing Cabin inspections will be the officers on board, including your managers. The way it is structured is that your Youth Activities managers won't be allowed to inspect your cabins for favoritism or whatever. While they do have a checklist to go over to make sure specific tasks are completed, how picky or stringent they are with enforcing them depends on who the inspectors are. You could have the upbeat character manager who used to be Mary Poppins ("friends with Mary Poppins" in Disney-speak) at Disneyland who will let you go with your bed a bit wrinkled or your desk a bit cluttered. Or you could have the head of housekeeping who is in a massively bitchy mood who will make your cabin as "not ready for inspection" for leaving your uniform on your chair or having dust underneath your closet or not all of the shower curtain hooks being properly hooked (all possible things to be docked on).
• The inspections could last very long. So if you're just about to start work, you can't get ready or be in your cabin to shower or get dressed. Either you have to get yourself settled an hour before you need to, or you risk waiting outside for them to come around your "block" of cabins and finish before you rush to work. Often times there will be people impatiently waiting around for cabin inspection to finish just to get access to their things.
• You get in trouble for things that you shouldn't have to be responsible for. Now the same can't be said for all crew members, but for a Youth Activities Counselor your cabin comes with housekeeping services twice a week who are expected to empty your wastebins and vacuum your floor and  make your beds. If the housekeeper didn't do a good job of vacuuming your floor, that ought to be their fault. I hardly think we should be getting in trouble for the "sprinkler being a bit rusty" or "the fridge not being completely defrosted" or the "air filter being dusty". But you do if they're feeling like complete assholes. And the worst part is- you might think you're doing completely fine and ok because for the previous 8 inspections they all said it was fine, but the 9th inspector decides to be a little prick about it being at fault for weeks. Still your fault!
• You can just hide things in your closet. Like the image at the top of this post implies, yes a lot of crew members can relate to just jamming their trash bags into the bottom of their closet to hide until cabin inspection passes. Because they're technically not allowed to go into your "personal" items. But wait, this means that you can just about shove everything else in there too - your illegal weapons, knives, pipebombs, nutella, yogurt cups, milk products, glow in the dark stickers, bottles of vodka and tequila, baggies of weed, your pill bottles filled with ecstasy and oxycontin - whatever floats yer boat. And since that's true....what's the point!?
• For any small infraction during Cabin Inspection your managers is obliged to give you discipline. That's right, so for any of the seemingly innocuous things, a note is made and the Youth Activities management has to speak with you about it (even though they often know exactly how unfair it could be) -  writing everyone's names up for the whole staff to see regarding meeting individually in their office. A little warning may not be a big deal, but several could cost your job promotions or the ability to do more with your career at sea. Imagine not getting promoted to be an Assistant Manager because your roommate accidentally left your light on in the bathroom?